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Ever notice how often you say the word “thanks?”
Ever notice how often people (and businesses) say it to you?
Ever notice how often the word feels meaningless and completely devoid of grateful sentiment?
That’s because we humans have overused the word “thanks” to death, often in completely inappropriate situations. Such as:
- The cashier at the store who says “thanks” as your transaction is completed, without even looking you in the eye once.
- The notice from your credit card company decreasing your line of credit while thanking you for your patronage.
- The vendor who automatically confirms every purchase you make with “thanks for being such a valued customer.”
Because the word is so overused (and inappropriately applied), it’s become disconnected from its true sentiment. This is fine for many ordinary interactions when a quick “thanks” is all that’s needed. But when you REALLY want someone to especially feel your gratitude, “thanks” just doesn’t pack the appreciation punch you need.
Here’s how you can be more thoughtful in expressing your thanks:
- Choose whether the situation calls for words of “gratitude” or words of “appreciation.” There’s a nuanced difference between them. For example, if you’re delivering unwelcome news about a missed deadline, you might say “your patience is much appreciated” instead of “thank you,” which sounds especially hollow and trite in that circumstance.
- Add depth to your sentiment by sharing thoughts and/or details relevant to that particular situation. So, not just “thanks for doing a great job” but “thanks for doing such a magnificent job under such challenging circumstances” or “thanks for doing such a fantastic job…I’m so grateful that you caught that issue before it snowballed!” Making your words specifically relevant to the situation puts the meaning back into your gratitude.
- Check your laziness: there’s a temptation to just say “THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!” when you know a simple “thanks” won’t cut it, but you don’t feel like putting in the effort to find better words. There are times when the all-caps-multiple-exclamation-point version is appropriate (I mean, toss in a few joyful emojis while you’re at it) and times when it’s not. In some situations, that can come across as immature. And oddly, in others, it can come across as overkill. I once had a colleague who used an all-caps “THANK YOU!” every time she emailed to ask for something, no matter how big or small the request. It became white noise after a while… I could tell that was her default phrase and it felt empty and fake. I definitely did not feel “thanked.”
- And on that subject of email, if you’ve got “Thanks,” as the start of your boilerplate email signature…remove it. That just repeatedly drains the word “thanks” of its meaning. You’re not thanking someone for things in every email you send, and then when you DO want to show appreciation for something, people will instinctively be skeptical.
And lastly…change up your wording. A big part of the reason why “thanks” or even “thank you” comes across as so superficial is because it’s so commonly used. If you use words of gratitude or appreciation that are less common, they’ll stand out more and leave the impression you intend. Some ideas here include:
Compliment them:
If you’re thanking someone for something they’ve done, combine your thanks with a compliment. “You’re such a (gem, rock star, stellar human, smart cookie, etc.) and I can’t thank you enough!” Or, “You just keep getting better and better (or smarter and smarter, or more thoughtful, or sweeter and sweeter) every year! You’re the best!”
Make it personal:
If you’re thanking someone because their words/actions/attitudes made a positive difference to you, show it. “You have no idea how much ______ made an impact on me, and I’m so grateful.” Or “I’m just so lucky to have someone as (thoughtful, kind, smart, etc.) as you in my life.”
Use an objective perspective:
Sometimes, you don’t want to make it about “you” or “them.” In such cases, a phrase like “thank you simply doesn’t do it justice” can come in handy.
Bonus: The Super-Secret Tip
All the points above are helpful, but the REAL trick to saying thanks like you mean it is…not doing it the same way every time.
If you usually write it, make a point sometimes to say it. If you usually say it, make a point sometimes to put it in writing – whether email, text, or a handwritten note.
Mix up your words often too, because if you just find one or two new ways to say thank you, and use them repeatedly, those too will lose meaning after a while. You can only call someone a “rock star” so often before it starts to become white noise to them.
Need some inspo? Reach for your thesaurus. In 10 seconds, you can find better phrasing. Here’s a kickstart for you:
Synonyms for GRATITUDE, APPRECIATION, and GRATEFUL.
And while we’re talking about phrases that have lost their meaning, you should stop opening your emails with “I hope you are well.”
